How It All Began

I just found out today that I cannot get my transcripts from my college, which means I cannot apply to graduate school. I have worked so hard for many years to get to graduate school, and all is at stake because of money. When I applied to college, I was offered four full scholarships to four different schools. I chose Spring Hill College, as they had a strong psychology program and it just felt right. Little did I know, when tuition went up, my scholarship would not. However, my mother had saved something like $40,000 for my college as she knew how much it meant to me. So I stayed at Spring Hill. However, my mother is an addict. She began having problems with drugs alcohol at the end of my senior year of high school. Pretty quickly, Xanax and wine turned to cocaine and liquor. I now owe $25,000 to my school. I am a senior this year, and cannot get a loan as my mother opened a credit card in my name and my credit is shot. I cannot get a credit card and rebuild my credit for the exact same reason.

Here is a little of my history: I lived in Fort Worth, TX until I was 10, when I moved to Bay Saint Louis, MS. I attended an all girls Catholic school 7-12th grade, with the exception of one semester after Hurricane Katrina. While in school, I ran cross country and track. I attended youth legislature every year of school except the year after Katrina, when they held the session the week before I moved back. My senior year, I was given the Most Outstanding Statesman award, the highest honor given. I was among the top 10 in my graduating class, and had top scores on my ACT. I could have gone anywhere. I chose SHC. During college, I was not quite as active at first as I was rediscovering myself. I was struggling as my mother had just begun having problems with addiction. I had always tried to make her proud, but when she started putting me down and calling me worthless, telling me to just move out already, I decided I did not have to try anymore. If she thought I was useless and a failure, I would be useless and a failure. Once I realized I was only hurting myself, I began to try to figure out what I wanted. this was the first time I put my thoughts and feelings above anyone elses.

My sophomore year of college, I joined Delta Gamma. My sisters supported me and continue to support me through thick and thin. I also moved in with my father that year after an unfortunate Christmas break. My boyfriend of the time was staying with me and my mother for about two weeks at the beginning of break, as I had a debutante ball and it made no sense for him to fly home and fly right back. My mother had started dating a complete jerk, who was always drunk and/or high. He gave me the creeps, and I tried to avoid him. When my boyfriend's mother came in town two days before the ball, my mother decided last minute not to pick her up from the airport. She had to wait almost two hours for her son to pick her up, as we were at rehearsal. Finally, I get home from rehearsal about 30 minutes before they are getting back, and my mother is so drunk she can barely stand up. This is her first time meeting my boyfriends mother. Needless to say, we fought. I spent the next few days with my boyfriend and his mother. My mother left my  ball early to be with her boyfriend. I spent Christmas not speaking to her, then flew to Miami to be with my boyfriend and his family.

When the second semester began, I became extremely busy. I had gotten more involved, and developed a huge interest in psychology. I was working hard, and trying to prove myself. Then my boyfriend broke up with me. We had been dating for a year and a half, and it was out of nowhere. I was crushed. My sorority sisters supported me and took care of me that semester. I spend about six weeks partying and neglecting my school work. I quickly realized my mistakes, and tried to get back on my feet. I managed to pull of a 3.0  GPA, but that dropped my cummulative from a 3.8 to a 3.4. In one semester! I could not believe it. I have been struggling and working hard to pull it back up ever since. But as I have to work, it is difficult. I work to pay my bills and my sorority dues. Many do not understand why I still am a DG, but I could not do this without my sisters. I am where I am because of their love and support.

Well, after sophomore year, I got a job with a psychologist in Mobile. My mother kicked me out of the house when I went to see her for mother's day, because I was spending more time with my father. She even called the police on me for trying to get in MY house and get MY belongings.

Ever since then, I have been studying stress, traumatic events, and coping mechanisms to try to better understand why people react so differently to trauma and stress. I dream of furthering this research, and helping others not suffer the way I have and my mother has. I suffer due to the effects her drug addiction has had on my life. She suffers through missing out on family. She has basically pushed everyone who cares about her away.

Anyway, that is the basic beginning, and now I am stuck in a difficult place. I may lose everything I have worked for because my college money was spend on cocaine. But I will not allow it to happen. I will find a way to reach out and help those in bad situations. Whatever it takes, I will get to graduate school. I will find a way to pay $25,000 to Spring Hill College. I will thrive through it all. I came to win. I will win. I will succeed...